World Suicide Prevention Day

Twenty four years ago suicide ended the life of my lawyer husband. Bereavement by suicide is inconceivable until it happens to you; very often one of the consequences is contemplating suicide yourself when the agony of loss feels unbearable.

No-one, no matter their status, success in life or affluence is immune to the possibility of suicide. The law can be an exceptionally stressful profession and if there are other factors, perhaps of longstanding, an individual’s mental health can be at substantial risk.

 A year ago I sat in Gloucester Cathedral at a service to mark World Suicide Prevention Day 2017, which I had been invited to help to arrange, as both the leader of a suicide bereavement support group and as a member of the county Suicide Prevention Forum. It was a truly memorable occasion that stimulated much emotion, both tears of sorrow and smiles of joyful memory in a congregation that included some who had travelled a distance. During the first part of the service; which celebrated the lives of those who had died; the poem The Existence of Love by Marjorie Pizer was read:

I had thought that your death
was a waste and a destruction,
a pain of grief hardly to be endured.
I am only beginning to learn
that your life was a gift and a growing
and a living left with me.
The desperation of death destroyed the existence of love
but the fact of death
cannot destroy what has been given.
I am learning to look at your life again,
instead of your death and dying.

The last two lines are the crux of coping with the tragedy of suicide. In the early days it is almost impossible to think of the person other than through the manner of their death, but in time and with support from those who offer an understanding that comes from similar experience, there comes a day when there is a memory of a good time, laughter shared or a special occasion, which is revisited without being overshadowed by the unbearable pain of loss. 

The essence of this is human contact and that is also important in the prevention of a tragedy, noticing that someone looks in need of a friendly word and the offer of a listening ear.

Signs to look out for in yourself or others
These are not exhaustive and some people will show no significant signs.   

• Changes in behaviour eg mood swings, sleeping/eating patterns, becoming angry, negative, depressed
• Out of character reckless behaviour, eg  giving away all possessions, increased use of drugs or alcohol, excessive spending
• Social withdrawal
• Lack of energy
• Neglecting grooming and personal hygiene
• Suddenly appearing very calm or relieved after a period of depression
• Settling affairs and saying goodbye
• Talking about suicide or dying

If you have thought of suicide

• Talk to someone – a friend, your GP, a helpline
• Be around other people
• Go to a safe place such as a friend's house, a Samaritans drop in centre
• Try not to think about the future – just focus on getting through today
• Remember drugs and alcohol are not a solution and may make you feel worse
• Do something you usually enjoy

How to have a conversation with someone you believe to be suicidal
It is not the case that asking about suicide precipitates the action of suicide.  Rather it shows the person you genuinely care, are interested in their welfare and want to help. Use simple, direct questions in a non-judgmental, non-confrontational way.

• Ask – have you thought about suicide? Be direct
• Listen to the response
• Keep talking to the person telling them they are not alone and you want to help
• Follow your instinct
• Ask if you can assist them to access help and support by calling a family member, the emergency services, a helpline or their GP
• If you believe there is an immediate risk do not leave the person alone if you are in the same room, but do be mindful of your own personal safety
• If you are talking to them on the phone use another phone to let the police know

Useful Resources
There is help available and from sources that do not result in an entry on health records – a risk that will put many off seeking it from statutory health providers.

Samaritans – for everyone  Call 116 123  Email jo@samaritans.org

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) – for men  Call 0800 58 58 58 – 5pm to midnight every day Visit the webchat page

Papyrus – for people under 35  Call 0800 068 41 41 – Monday to Friday 10am to 10pm, weekends 2pm to 10pm, bank holidays 2pm to 5pm  Text 07786 209697  Email pat@papyrus-uk.org

Maytree Respite Centre A sanctuary for the suicidal 0207 263 7070 Email maytree@maytree.org.uk

Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide Call 0300 111 5065 

Suicide Bereaved Network Call 0300 999 0003

Suicide Crisis (Cheltenham) Call 07975 974455 Email: contact@suicidecrisis.co.uk

Further reading
LawCare counselling factsheet

LawCare bereavement factsheet

LawCare worried about someone factsheet

Malignant Sadness (The anatomy of depression) by Lewis Wolpert  (Faber & Faber)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-6079917/Suicide-time-end-shocking-waste-young-mens-lives.html

Contact us
Call LawCare’s free, independent, confidential helpline on 0800 279 6888 for immediate support or visit www.lawcare.org.uk

by Trish Thomas, LawCare peer supporter