Male domestic abuse
"I was a young man in my early twenties when she first started hitting me."
My story of domestic abuse as a man
Male domestic abuse?
Surely not. After all a man is bigger/stronger.
Surely this is a myth?
I was a young man in my early twenties when she first started hitting me.
My then girlfriend was 5ft 3 and about the same build as Kylie, so physically it was no contest.
The first time it occurred I was talking to a friend in a pub in town. Strolling up nonchalantly my girlfriend grabbed at my face, causing a large gash. I pushed her away and she apologised, citing jealously and alcohol.
I let it go.
The second time shortly after, I was at a party, again talking to some friends, when I was shoved and fell flying down a flight of stairs. Again, an apology, again alcohol cited. Again, I let it go.
The next time and the next time, my friends had begun to ask me why I was tolerating this behaviour.
I brushed off their concerns. I was big enough to look after myself and the behaviour was “normal” as it usually involved alcohol and jealousy.
The final straw was when she attacked me at a family gathering and scratched my eyeball.
Her brother and sister approached me and simply said, “what are you doing letting her hit you like that?”
I broke off the relationship and carried on with my life.
Her behaviour had become a running joke with my friends and 30 years later it is still mentioned.
As a 51-year-old man, who is now “slightly” more emotionally aware, I realise that I was a victim of physical and mental domestic abuse. I had normalised my girlfriend’s behaviour.
I was a young man, who in the 80’s had only ever heard of women suffering abuse. I put it down to my then girlfriend being insecure.
The BBC recently published statistics from charities supporting men who have suffered domestic abuse, showing a 60% increase during COVID 19. As I sadly previously believed, domestic abuse is certainly not a gender specific issue. It is a worryingly increasing problem, that can affect anyone at any time.
Nick O'Neill is the Chambers Director at Oriel Chambers and a LawCare volunteer and champion
We're here to listen...without judgement
Contact our free, confidential, emotional support service for the legal sector
0800 279 6888
Your Stories
Real stories of people in the legal community who have experienced stress, depression, anxiety and more.
-
My journey to an ADHD and autism diagnosis
"As a woman, I, like many other autistic and ADHD women, learnt to mask my traits and so I went undiagnosed for 32 years."
Read more -
How I coped with anxiety
"I felt really unwell – heart rate rising, breathing out of control, nausea, and an overwhelming desire to get out of the car."
Read more -
How I coped with stress
"I collapsed in the office mid-deal, suffering from exhaustion."
Read more -
How I coped with occupational burnout
Eric's story shows how recognising and addressing occupational burnout is crucial for mental health in the legal sector. He shares his journey and coping strategies, highlighting the importance of self-awareness and seeking support.
Read more
