Listening as a workplace wellbeing practice

You may have experienced how verbalising a quandary as described above can start to untangle it and perhaps lead you to your own solution. In coaching, we refer to this as ‘holding space’ for the client, enabling them to access their own wisdom. It goes further than this - neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett explains how being listened to effectively shifts our body into a calmer state by activating our parasympathetic response which allows us to ‘rest and digest’ as opposed to triggering the stress response preparing us for ‘fight or flight.’ We can actually have an impact on one another’s nervous system. However, just as Carl Rogers mentions being heard, she refers to the quality of listening as being empathic. There are other forms of listening that are less helpful.

When I run listening sessions, participants role-play to get a sense of what different patterns feel like, to notice what lands, what shuts them down, and what helps, rather than thinking or debating their way through it. For each example below, I encourage you to think of whether you have experienced this type of listening or recognise it in yourself. We focus on relatively minor stresses that have been on the speaker’s mind, rather than issues that are more suitable for counselling or therapy, for example, a client who always takes ages to respond or perhaps having to juggle an early morning meeting with caring responsibilities. 

Problem-solving listening

Given the nature of legal work, law firms are a natural habitat for the problem-solving listener, who may naturally wish to offer advice or potential solutions. Although well-intentioned, it can shut the other person down and prevent them from saying what they really think or feel. Depending on what has been shared, it can come across as being dismissive or judgmental.  

Defensive listening

This is where the listener tends to play ‘devil’s advocate’ and contradict whatever is said, even a simple ‘I’ve got an early start tomorrow, with the client presentation. I hope there aren’t any glitches with the trains’ might be met with a blunt, ‘There’s no point worrying about something that hasn’t happened. I’m sure you’ll be fine.’  Although the intention may be to reassure or to take a rational approach, it can feel dismissive and exhausting when it’s a habitual behaviour. Research by Deborah Tannen suggests that this type of contradiction can shut down meaningful dialogue and, over time, create a sense that it’s not safe to share.

Distracted listening

Picture a colleague who checks their phone or finishes up an email as you’re talking with them. In a virtual meeting, they may openly be checking Slack. 

This is distracted listening and usually comes across as not listening. It doesn’t engender trust and can prevent the other person from sharing what’s on their mind.

Autobiographical listening

A perhaps familiar example of this is the colleague who relates everything back to their own experience and interrupts with their own examples and stories.  The listener may think that giving their own examples shows interest and even empathy but speaking simply isn’t listening.

In this short video on Autobiographical Listening, I explore this pattern in the context of building client relationships. The underlying insight is the same: when we shift the focus away from ourselves, we create space for connection.

With empathic listening, the focus is placed onto the other person and their agenda. In essence, this means being present with someone else, giving them space to think and to speak, and listen without judgement.

It may sound simple, but it isn’t easy.

Empathic listening can be tiring.

Practical tips

Identify your default listening habits. As ever, awareness is a precursor to setting better habits.

Be present but do less. Forget the adage of having one mouth and two ears and to use them in that proportion. At times, you may not need to say anything at all.

Use active listening techniques to show you are listening and encourage the speaker. For example, nodding and eye contact or encouraging them with listening sounds (uh-huh) or say ‘tell me more.’

If you tend towards problem-solving, try waiting until the other person gets to the end and ask directly ‘would you like me to offer any suggestions?’

Towards a listening culture

Intentional acts of listening build psychological safety which studies show is linked to higher engagement and performance. They foster connection and stronger community.

Starting small by listening to everyday conversations paves the way for a broader listening culture, perhaps making more difficult, direct conversations about mental health less daunting and even commonplace.

A call to action

Next time you have a casual conversation with a colleague, notice what they are saying and ask yourself if they might benefit from empathic listening. If you’re new to this and it doesn’t come naturally, be compassionate with yourself. You may not get it right first time, but making the effort, even with a few missteps, helps lead into a supportive culture.