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What
is Stress?
We are constantly hearing about stress. Many of us are constantly
complaining about it. Some claim that it is the root cause of more
illnesses than anything else. Of course, not all stress is bad. "Stress
can be the spice of life, the exhilaration of challenge and excitement,
the high of living with heavy demands on you. Once you make a friend of
stress, the forces which once seemed to be working against you become
positive energies that define you, strengthen you and help you express
your own brand of creativity and joy" (Leslie Kenton, “Beat Stress”,
Vermillion, 1996)
But
put simply, a stressful circumstance is one with which you cannot cope
successfully (or believe you cannot cope) and which results in unwanted
physical, mental or emotional reactions. STRESS is your
reaction to the levels of pressure upon you.
-
In the first stage you may find yourself feeling overworked, uncertain
of your own abilities, and reluctant to take days off.
-
In the second stage you may find yourself tired, irritated and
frustrated, working long hours but seeming to achieve less. You may be
skipping meals, or “comfort eating”.
-
In the third stage you may feel resentful or guilty, you will probably
be neglecting your family and friends, and will no longer be enjoying
work or life.
-
Finally you may withdraw completely, succumb to illness or drug or
alcohol abuse, feel a failure or completely break down emotionally and
mentally.
If
you are suffering from stress, even in the earliest stages,
it is
important to take steps to control it.
Stress
can have severe consequences.
The Consequences of Stress
Mental Illness
Stress leads to mental problems, at best the difficulty in thinking
clearly which comes with not having a decent night's sleep, at worst
severe clinical depression, schizophrenia and paranoia.
Family Problems
Of course you have to work to support your family, but do you have to
support them quite so much? Your spouse and children have a higher claim
to your attention than even the most important client.
Work Problems
"If you want something done, ask a busy person." The more you do, the
more people will expect of you and the more they will take you for
granted. The insular world of the office, where people with little in
common spend so much time together, can be an unhealthy one. Petty
jealousies, minor irritations and office gossip can be magnified out of
proportion unless you spend plenty of time in the real world.
Physical Illness
The body can only take so much. If you continue to push yourself -
working through the night, eating "on the hoof", keeping yourself awake
with coffee - your physical health will suffer. Stress is a major cause
of heart disease, and your immune system will be compromised.
Stress and Heart Disease
Being under constant stress in the workplace increases your risk of
dying from heart disease because when stressed the body releases the
hormone noradrenaline which increases your blood pressure and your risk
factor. When this is combined with smoking and a high blood cholesterol
level you will have the three highest risk factors for contracting heart
disease. Heart disease is the biggest killer in the UK, killing more
people than all the cancers, AIDS, murders and accidents combined.
What are the symptoms
of heart disease?
How
can I Minimise the Risk?
Important Notice
Many people who suffer
coronary heart disease look perfectly healthy and are shocked to find
out they have heart disease. If you have not exercised for a while, are
over 40 or suffer from any of the symptoms of possible heart disease,
get a check up with your GP or have a health screen before you start an
exercise programme.
Working with a
Stressed Person
Remember
that:-
People under
stress lose their perspective............
aim to keep yours.
People under
stress make those around them ill too.......
use stress relief techniques,
(for mental, physical and emotional well-being), to stop you from
getting caught up in the stress.
People under
stress cause rows......
don't get sucked in, use
assertiveness techniques to cope.
People under
stress can be unkind......
remember that you are a
person with rights too. Be kind to yourself. If you like and respect
yourself you will find it easier to be kind to the stressed person.
People under
stress can be cruel...........
don't be a martyr. You need
to look after yourself, build your own support network, offload, seek
counselling if necessary.
People under
stress need someone to lead them into relaxation.....
be your stress sufferer's
'barometer', suggest helpful routines, if he or she will let you.
People under
stress need gentle concern, not criticism......
be willing to offer genuine
care and concern.
People under
stress can be hard to work with...........
You cannot be expected to
listen endlessly to moans and groans if the stressed person is not
willing to do anything. Don't withdraw your care but recognise you have
a right to enjoy work in you own right, get on with living. This will
invariably cause the sufferer to reach his or her rock bottom faster and
seek help and do something about self help.
People under
stress make you tired.....
ensure you get your own
space, enough sleep and rest.
People under
stress dwell in the past,
blame others and feel pessimistic about the future…
so keep the person focusing
on today, live one day at a time; a better day today will make tomorrow
easier to handle; take life in bite-sized chunks. I can do for an hour
what I could not hope to do for a lifetime!
YOU CANNOT
CHANGE THE OTHER PERSON BUT YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR REACTION TO
THEIR BEHAVIOUR. BELIEVE THINGS CAN CHANGE AND THEY WILL CHANGE.
Where is your
Stress Coming From?
An
important first stage in dealing with stress is to identify its source.
Once this is done, you can begin to plan a strategy to tackle it.
Career Development
Job insecurity, poor pay,
lack of status, uncertainty about future
Job Content and
satisfaction
Too much or too little work,
impossible targets, lack of required expertise, lack of variety, pointlessness
Colleagues
Unsupportive or untrustworthy
colleagues, no friends among colleagues
Work Schedule
Inflexible, long or antisocial
hours, long or difficult commute
Firms /Chambers
Culture
Lack of support or supervision,
poor communication, financial problems, claims pending
Money
Excessive debts, living from
paycheque to paycheque, constantly dipping into savings
Illness
Health fears, exhaustion, problems
overcoming minor ailments
Time Management
Growing “to do” list, full diary,
impatience when waiting
Spouse/Partner
Frequent arguments, unfair sharing
of chores, little time alone together.
Family
Small children/teenagers at home,
responsibility for family decisions, elderly parents to care for, abuse in
past, remarriage resulting in “blended family”.
House
Unsatisfactory living
accommodation, recent or impending house move, too little space, growing list
of chores
Social Life
Too many / too few social
commitments, few hobbies or interests outside work, feeling guilty at
neglecting friends
Some Suggestions for Coping
with Stress
This page contains some general
tips for dealing with stress, both at home and at work. The following pages
suggest other methods which may prove helpful.
Home
-
Don’t talk too much. Before you
speak, think about whether you have something important to say, and what the
consequences of saying it might be. Try listening more instead.
-
Eat healthily and exercise
regularly.
-
Give up smoking. You may think it
relaxes you, but in actual fact nicotine only creates a new stress. Your
craving for a cigarette is nicotine withdrawal, and the relaxation you think
you feel when you smoke is because you have succumbed to that craving. So
give up completely and feel as relaxed as you do with a cigarette all the
time!
-
Avoid alcohol. It is a depressant
and is liable to make stress problems worse, not better.
-
Learn to relax and unwind,
perhaps by meditating or better still by chatting (not about work!) with
your spouse, partner, children or friends.
-
Get a decent night's sleep, the
longer the better. If you have problems getting to sleep, force thoughts of
work out of your mind by planning your next holiday or composing a poem.
-
Plan and book a holiday with your
family or friends, and ensure that the office knows that you will be off for
at least a week no matter what crisis should occur at work. Use your
full holiday entitlement.
Work
-
When you are feeling very
stressed, STOP! Ask yourself what is the worst thing that would
happen if you did not do the tasks before you, and whether it will still
matter a week later.
-
Protect your time by not over
committing yourself. Learn to say ‘NO’. (See following page for some
tips)
-
Be realistic about deadlines.
Being over optimistic usually means increasing the pressure on yourself and
letting people down later.
-
Build some ‘breathing space’ into
your day. When you plan the work you will do, leave a good hour or so for
those little things that crop up
-
Change activities regularly. If
you are doing a lot of computer work, for instance, make a phone call or
speak to a colleague.
-
Take short work breaks. Walk
around the office or have a cup of coffee (not too much though!). A five
minute break every hour will actually increase your concentration whilst
reducing stress.
-
Take a proper lunch break and
DO NOT work while you are eating.
-
If a task seems overwhelming,
break it down into bits and deal with them one at a time.
-
Try to do one thing at a time.
Attempting several things at once only increases stress levels and lowers
performance all round.
-
If you are getting impatient
about something, ask yourself why you are letting it annoy you. Take some
deep breaths and RELAX!
How to Say NO Gracefully
(Courtesy of
Coach Dianna Keel)
Many people have difficulty saying
“no,” and boundary invaders take full advantage of this difficulty. If a
request or a question makes you feel uncomfortable, it is probably an attempt
to invade your boundaries, even if the other person is not fully aware that
this is what s/he is doing. If a straight-out “NO” is too difficult for you,
try some of the following alternatives. (But also practice saying a plain NO.
It strengthens your boundaries.)
-
I’m really over-committed right
now and if I take this on I can’t do it justice.
-
I appreciate your confidence in
me. I wouldn’t want to take this on knowing my other tasks and
responsibilities right now would prohibit me from doing an excellent job
-
I’d be happy to do this for you
but realistically I cannot do it without foregoing some other things I’m
working on. Of tasks a and b, which would you like me to do? Which can I put
aside?
-
I can do that for you. Will it be
okay if I get back to you in the middle of next week. I currently have a, b
and c in the queue.
-
If you had let me know earlier we
could have talked about it, but it’s just not possible for me now.
-
I can see something needs doing,
but it should be done by the person who caused the problem in the first
place, not by me.
-
It would be far more appropriate
for you to do that yourself.
-
Thank you very much for the
invitation. That’s the day of my son’s football match and I never miss those.
Great reasons also include birthdays, anniversaries, graduations,
christenings….. Just be sure you’re not making it up. Tell the truth.
-
Thanks but I’ll have to pass on
that. When you use this plain “No”, say it, then shut up. You
don’t want to ruin the effect.
-
I really appreciate your asking
me but my time is already committed. This is a gentle way to say no.
-
I wish I could, but it’s just not
convenient. The real masters of the “I’m Sorry” No somehow get the other
people to apologize for even asking. I’m always amazed when I see this
happen.
-
I promised _____ I wouldn’t take
on any more projects without discussing them with her first. This not
only makes it someone else’s decision but also postpones it and allows you
to decide if you really want to say no. Only use when you’re not sure which
one you actually want to say – the yes or the no.
-
I just don’t have the time to
help you but let me recommend someone else I know.
A great way to say no while still helping the person by giving another
option.
Never ever say “maybe”. Maybe is only a way of
postponing a decision. When you know you want to say no, say no. Otherwise
you’re not playing fair with yourself – or others. And saying “maybe next
time” makes it harder and harder to say no the next time. Don’t fall into this
trap.
Remember – whatever you say “yes”
to means you are saying “no” to something else. Make sure you that what you
say “yes” to represents your priorities or you will find you are living a
frustrated and unrewarding life.
Stress Management - A
Meditation Exercise
1. Body Awareness
-
Sit, feet on the ground, back
reasonably straight, but not rigid.
-
Concentrate your whole attention
on what you feel physically in your body...
-
Don't think, just focus on what
you feel...
-
You may begin with your feet and
work upwards, spending a moment or two on each part of your body that you
can feel...
-
If you feel an itch, discomfort
or want to move, acknowledge it, tell yourself "It's alright" and try not to
move...
-
If you become aware of thoughts
or questions, treat them as an itch! Acknowledge them but then go back to
concentrating on the physical feelings in your body...
-
Stay with this exercise until you
have focussed on all of your body and then, let go...
2. Breathing
-
In the same position, relaxed
with your back straight, concentrate your attention on the physical feeling
of breathing in, then of breathing out.
-
Do not deliberately change your
breathing, although you may find that it does change naturally, becoming
slower and deeper.
-
Should this exercise make you
feel breathless, abandon it.
-
Do not be surprised if this
exercise makes you feel drowsy.
-
Once you are rested, you may want
to turn this exercise into something more explicit. If so, let your
in-breath express your worries, anxieties, guilt, pain, one-by-one and on
your out- breath surrender them.
-
Do not moralise or judge
yourself, just let go...
3. Listening
-
Listen to the sounds, the traffic
in the distance - to the little sounds in your room. Don't push them away as
irritants; they are part of your life, accept them.
-
Put your hands over your ears and
listen to your breathing. Listen to your thoughts and feelings, acknowledge
them and let them go. Don't push them away as irritants; they are part of
your life, accept them.
-
Now go back to listening to the
external and internal noises. Listen to the nuances, to the pitch and
intensity of the sounds...then let them go...
-
Let your mind be quiet.
4. Be Still
Stretching Away Your Stress
You have been sitting at your desk
for hours on end and suddenly you are hit by the umpteenth headache this week.
You put the blame on your desk, on your computer, on the position of the window
or the height of your chair, but all too often the real cause is stress which
causes tension across your shoulders and back and thence to your neck and head.
Stress can also affect your arms, hands, wrists and back with tightening of the
muscles. There are plenty of very short exercises which can help to relax you
and here are a few.
The most important point is not to
hold any position for very long. Pain is NOT gain in this area. Just hold the
position to a point where you start to feel the tension, then take ten deep
breaths and relax.
1. Back and
Shoulder.
Stand facing the wall and place your
hands on the wall shoulder width apart. Your toes should point forward and your
knees should be slightly bent. Lean forward, lowering your head between your
arms until you can feel the stretch across your upper back, shoulders, neck and
arms.
2. Mid back
Stretch
Sit up straight and lace your fingers
behind your head, keeping your elbows at ear level. Then pull your shoulder
blades towards each other.
3. Lower Back
Stretch
Pain or discomfort in the lower back
is very common among those of us who sit for long periods at a desk. Sit up
straight in your chair. With both hands grab your left leg just under the knee.
Keep your right foot flat on the floor. With your left leg bent, slowly pull
that leg towards your chest. Then do the same with the other leg.
4. Hand
Stretch
To release the tension in your hands,
stand and hold your left arm straight in front of you, putting your left hand up
as though you were a policeman stopping the traffic. Then put the palm of your
right hand against the tips of your left fingers and gently pull your left hand
back towards your forearm. Do this until you feel tension across your fingers
and the underside of your wrist. Hold this position for ten deep breaths and
then change hands.
5. Facial
Stretch
Have you ever noticed how your face
becomes taught with concentration? There is a very simple exercise to relieve
this but it is suggested that you do this in complete privacy! Raise your
eyebrows and open your eyes as wide as you can. Open your mouth as if to yawn
and stick your tongue out as far as possible. Like all these exercises, hold for
ten deep breaths and then relax.
Beat Stress
through Diet and Exercise
“Work Hard – Play Hard” goes the
saying. If you work long hours in a stressful environment, then it may well be
tempting to “eat drink and be merry” until the small hours, but in reality your
body will not be able to take such mental and physical abuse for long.
If you are under stress in your
professional life, it is far more important to be sure that you look after your
health. Following a healthy diet and taking regular exercise will increase your
general well-being, reduce your perception of stress and ensure that you are in
peak condition to take on the tasks which fall to you. Exercise even releases
endorphins which make you feel good!
Five Easy Diet and
Exercise Tips
Eat five portions of fruit and
vegetables each day.
It’s not difficult – a glass of
orange juice with your breakfast, salad in your sandwiches and a banana with
your lunch, carrots with your dinner and apple crumble for desert.
Drink two litres of fluid each day.
Sorry – tea, coffee and alcohol
don’t count, as the chemicals in them have a diuretic effect. (In fact, if you
are feeling stressed it’s best to avoid coffee and alcohol altogether). Try
keeping a jug of chilled water to hand and use it to make fruit squashes. Aim to
drink the whole jugful each day. Have a drink if you feel hungry (you may
actually be thirsty) and drink water or squash with each meal.
Just a little of what you fancy…
Healthy eating doesn’t mean you
have to give up those treats altogether, but keep them as treats – just two or
three times a week, or as a special reward for a job well done. And the food you
love can still be healthy. Why not grill, bake, steam, poach or microwave your
food instead of frying it? Or choose low fat versions – chances are you won’t
notice the difference.
Find an exercise you enjoy
The keys to keeping up an exercise
regime are enjoying it, and building it into your routine. Try different forms
of exercise until you find one you really like doing – you may hate working out
at the gym, but really enjoy swimming. Try to do 20 minutes exercise three times
a week – so book into the pool, gym or class in advance.
Lead an active life
Park further from the office and
walk in briskly, take the stairs instead of the lift, play with your children.
Any activity which makes you a little out of breath counts as exercise and is
toning and strengthening your body, and burning fat.
Time Management at Work
There is so much to do... and not
enough time! Struggling to keep up leaves you stressed and depressed. Try these
tips for making minutes count.
Ensure you get up on time by putting
your alarm clock across the room so that you have to get up to turn it off.
-
Before you begin your day, think of
three things that will give you pleasure that day. Don't think about any
negative things, and forget yesterday completely. Think of one (realistic)
thing you want to achieve today - even if it's only "Eat lunch".
-
Leave for work earlier than usual.
You'll be less stressed at red lights and late trains, and if you do get there
early you'll have a few peaceful minutes before the phone starts ringing.
-
Open mail with the waste paper bin
handy, or get an assistant, if you have one, to sort your mail first and weed
out all the junk.
-
PRIORITISE! Put all the things you
have to do in order of importance. Think about how much time each task will
take, then add half that time again plus five minutes for stretching,
relaxing, putting things away and getting another cup of coffee. Using the
task time you have calculated, work out how much you will realistically be
able to achieve in a day. In an eight hour work day you have six hours of
actual working time, plus one hour for a lunch break (which is important), and
another hour for unavoidable and unforeseen matters. Put everything you're not
going to be able to deal with today out of the way. Then gather together all
the information, files, documents and telephone numbers you'll need. The best
time to do this might be first thing in the morning, or perhaps before you
leave the office at night so that you can get started right away the next day.
-
Each day list which tasks are
essential, which you would ideally like to do if possible and what it would be
good to do if you have time at the end of the day - "Must, Should and Want"
lists. (If those unavoidable unforeseen things don't happen, you'll
have an extra hour and a real sense of achievement when you get onto the third
list!)
-
If someone asks you to do another
task, don't be afraid to say "If I do this I won't have time to deal with this
other file. Which would you like me to do?" Let the onus of your being unable
to do everything fall on someone else. Turning down additional work will not
make you look half as bad as failing to do work you have accepted, or doing it
badly.
-
If a matter arises, such as a phone
call, which isn't important, don't be afraid to say "This isn't a good time,
please call back later". You may find it helpful to establish an hour each day
when you make and receive phone calls or meet with clients.
-
When meeting with someone busy, you
are less likely to have to wait if you ask for the first appointment of the
day.
-
Don't subscribe to journals and
periodicals you never have time to read.
-
Fifteen minutes before you're due
to leave work - stop working! This is the time to organise everything ready
for the next day, clear away files, pat yourself on the back for getting so
far through your "Must, Should and Want" lists, and start winding down and
switching off. That way you should actually be ready to leave in time to catch
your train.
|
Are You Becoming an
Adrenaline Addict?
We all
need a certain amount of adrenaline in order to get out of bed and
face the day ... But too much of anything can become addictive and
unhealthy. If you're wondering if you, or someone you love, has become
an "adrenaline junkie", this list can assist in taking a first step
toward being liberated from this self-imposed trap!
I
often feel guilty if I take time off from work and/or feel "out of
touch" if away from work for several hours.
I
often procrastinate and put things off until the last moment in
order to motivate myself.
I
often eat meals quickly, "on the run", or while working or driving.
I
frequently take time away from family or friends in order to get
work done or attend meetings.
I
believe I truly "work best under pressure".
I
don't usually take time out for daily meditation, relaxation or
recreation; and frequently "blame others" for my own lack of time
reserves.
Solving problems gives me a sense of personal importance, meaning
and/or purpose.
I
maintain the hope that someday I'll be able to do the things I truly
desire.
I
hate standing in queues or waiting for someone ahead of me to write
out a cheque and get it approved.
I
often arrive late to scheduled meetings and events because of my
busy schedule.
"Copyright Coach U, Inc.
1992 www.coachu.com.
Reprinted by permission."
|
The
Adrenaline Lifestyle
ADRENALINE IS
-
A source of
energy: Humans will
go to any length to get the quickest, easiest source of energy.
Adrenaline produces energy; not the most healthful, but is
continually available.
-
Personal
friction: Humans
succumb to this drug instead of letting their hearts decide.
-
Medication:
Adrenaline rushes to help to a person to "blast thorough"
difficult times. Problem is, the adrenaline junkie creates
crises just for the rush. When a person is "on" adrenaline, they
have a respite from pain and feelings are covered up.
-
A nasty habit
that creates a lifestyle: To get the rush, humans do
soul-damaging things: careers, greed, getting ahead, winning,
keeping self in survival in order to have something to win at
etc.
-
A toxin that
keeps healthy people away:
Those who are "over" adrenaline or are not
adrenaline-based usually won't develop close relationships with
adrenaline addicts; it is too upsetting and painful. So the
addict is surrounded by those with broken wings, co-dependents
or other addicts.
What others will say or think about
the adrenaline addict.
-
How can his spouse
take it?
-
I know he listened
to what I said, but I don't think he heard me.
-
You can count on
Karen to be late; that's just her.
-
Jerry is always so
busy. What is he always doing?
-
Why does Michael
put himself through all that stress? I think he likes it or
something.
-
He always said he
works best under pressure, but he's including us, too.
Adrenaline
Addiction is a recoverable condition.
-
ADAs can
recover from adrenaline addiction, usually by simply changing
select behaviours.
-
ADAs identify
their personal 20 Triggers which start the rush and eliminate
the triggers.
ADAs recover faster with the help of a therapist or
adrenaline-recovered coach.
-
ADAs will
go through a withdrawal period (see The Recovery Process below)
of between
6-12
months.
-
ADAs can recover from
adrenaline addiction, usually by simply changing select
behaviours.
The Recovery Process
-
Stop the
triggering behaviour.
-
Be willing to
be very bored, until your new energy source kicks in (3-6
months).
-
Speak
truthfully and completely to everyone and yourself in order to
let go of the residue and heal.
-
Hire a coach,
therapist or experienced consultant.
-
Install a strong
Personal Foundation to keep you well and adrenaline-free.
|
Adrenaline Trigger |
Solution |
|
Overpromising
results, even a little bit
|
Deliberately
underpromise, despite the other person's reaction or
consequences
|
|
Arriving exactly
on time or late
|
Leave 15 minutes
early for every appointment
|
|
Involved in
non-essential projects/activities
|
Cut out 50% of
all personal and professional projects and goals
|
|
Shoulds and have
to's; someone else's agenda
|
Get rid of all
shoulds, no exceptions
|
|
Doing one thing
in order to get another thing
|
Just do the
latter and see if it works
|
|
Having current
unresolved matters in your life
|
Most of us have
at least 100; get them done
|
|
Holding back from
another; being nice, being angry, not owing up to something
you did
|
Have a
heart-to-heart and be constructively honest
|
|
Not asking for
what you need
|
Be specific and
ask before you need it
|
|
Tolerations;
things you're putting up with.
|
Put up with
nothing; re-educate people
|
|
Letting people
walk all over you
|
Expand your
boundaries
|
|
Trying to prove
something by your results
|
Shift from
results to people and pleasure
|
|
Driving faster
than the speed limit
|
Slow way down;
you do have the time
|
|
"Copyright Coach
U, Inc. 1992
www.coachu.com. Reprinted by permission."
|
Adrenaline Addict Self-Test |
|
|
YES
|
NO
|
|
|
|
|
I drink
caffeinated coffee or drinks to get or keep going.
|
|
|
|
I eat sugar to
calm myself down.
|
|
|
|
I tend to
overpromise and then rush to get it done at the last minute.
|
|
|
|
I find some way
to sabotage myself or a project, yet usually pull it off.
|
|
|
|
I tend to take
on more than I really want because I feel I can.
|
|
|
|
I react
strongly to the unexpected.
|
|
|
|
I find myself
getting very upset or irritated (whether I show it or not)
when people let me down, miss deadlines or do
less-than-optimal work. Sometimes I take it personally.
|
|
|
|
| | |