Buttimore's
Blog
Anna Buttimore
is LawCare's administrator and has been with the charity since 1998. If
you would like to comment on the blog, please do so by emailing
Tough Job
I have now been with LawCare for ten years, almost since it began. By a curious accident, I’m the only member of LawCare’s staff who was not formerly a lawyer. Prior to joining LawCare I had some pretty dreadful jobs– most of them during the summers when I was a student, admittedly.
When I think back to those weeks spent selling door to door, or serving breakfast in a hotel, or even trying to make sure all the street lights in Cardiff were working, I remember them with a fond smile and can still name the friends I made and think of those as good times because, however menial, degrading, tedious or perplexing the job, I had great people around me who made the hours fly by.
We know from the callers to our helpline that working relationships can make or break a job. I am sure we can all think of firms or jobs we have left where our greatest regret is leaving good friends, knowing that we will never really be able to maintain the relationship we had when we were working together. Several helpline callers, often working in very unpleasant circumstances, have said that they would leave were it not that they don’t want to leave their much-loved colleagues “in the lurch.”
All jobs get difficult at times. However much you enjoy your work, there will be tasks you are putting off, dull days, hours when you are very stressed and perhaps even times when you are thinking of moving on. A firm would do well to foster good working relationships between staff. Occasional social events, allowing colleagues to mix freely to share ideas and help each other with problems, and making sure those in authority are friendly and approachable can improve the working environment and create loyalty to the firm and to each other which ensures employees stay on during these tough periods.
Being a lawyer or working in a legal context may not be as physically demanding as being a door-to-door canvasser or breakfast waitress, but it can still be tough, tedious and perplexing, and it is the working relationships we have with those around us which will keep us at our desks.
Crunch and Crisis
I’m feeling smug again. Well, perhaps smug is too strong a word. With the credit crunch upon us, I’ve been revising LawCare’s information pack about debt and financial problems, just to make sure it’s as good as it can be now that it’s going to be in more demand than usual. As I look over some of our case files and research the subject with agencies like National Debtline (0808 808 4000) it’s terrifying to see the desperate state some people end up in, often through no fault of their own. It leaves me feeling very relieved to have no debt at all (that’s right, not a penny). In fact, I can’t help thinking “there but for the grace of God go I.”
The funny thing is, in my case my escape from debt is largely due to the grace of God. I converted about fifteen years ago to a church whose leaders repeatedly insisted that we should avoid debt, and thus I have dutifully done so ever since. Our credit card (which we use only because of the perks which come with it) is paid off in full by direct debit each month. My car is an N-reg which I bought fourth-hand in cash. Most of our furniture was left to us by my grandmother when she died in 1991 and as for my kitchen … My kitchen was built in the early eighties by the man who owned the house before us. It is, let’s say, a little dated. Not only that, but two cupboard doors are missing, and there are only two drawers left, one of which covers the Pyrex in the cupboard below it with little flakes of plastic from the runners each time we wrench it open.
We regularly get door-to-door salesmen, attracted by the lamentable state of our driveway or guttering. We tell them we’re saving up to the get the work done, and they cheerfully tell us that they can offer us credit. It’s extremely useful to be able to respond “Debt is against my religion.”
Most people, however, don’t have that restriction. If they want a new sofa, and the shop offers interest free credit and nothing to pay for a year, they will take it. If they need a new kitchen, they will go ahead and buy it on credit. Advertisements tell them again and again that they need the latest games console, that the prices on these exotic holidays have been greatly reduced and they really must have one, or that they can spend up to £2,000 today in the catalogue. Everyone else seems to have these things, and they don’t see why they shouldn’t.
It’s tragic when it all falls apart, and I hope our “new improved” and FREE debt information pack will help lawyers who have innocently fallen victim to the credit trap. I may not like my kitchen the way it is now, but I’d rather have it in all its yellow plywood glory, than have a custom built designer kitchen and despair about ever paying for it.
Moonlighting
I’ve a confession to make – I’m moonlighting. Not content with working 25 hours a week for LawCare, I have been putting in some hours late at night on my second career, and it has come to fruition. My third novel will be published in August. (Hopefully – there are some issues with the contract I have with the publisher of my first two novels which may delay things somewhat. Anyone know a good lawyer?)
Much as I love working for LawCare (and you know that I do, because I have said as much here – try to keep up) I have wanted to be an “authoress” ever since my mother had told me that’s what lady writers are called. My life’s ambition was to get a novel published, and in 2000 I did. (This left me in need of a new life’s ambition, and I selected “Finish painting the bedroom”. As yet I have not achieved this.)
I thought writing one book would be enough, but then I found I yearned to write another. So I did. And then other ideas for novels came along, so I wrote those too. I had always assumed that if you have had one book published, or even two, as I had, then you could pretty much write anything and “they” would publish it. Not so – my next three efforts were all rejected, leaving me feeling a bit of a fraud as a writer. My first two books are out of print, but if you scour EBay and Amazon for long enough you might find one.
The wisdom of my childhood career plan is now extremely clear to me. What better life could there be than sitting at home watching plotlines develop under your fingertips, bringing life to characters and being master of their destiny. Not only that, but you bring entertainment and pleasure to lots of good people and some of them, if you’re very lucky, write to tell you so. It still thrills me that I have an email folder called “Fan Mail”.
Oh yes, and you get paid a bit. That’s quite nice too. Although I worked out that if I am ever to give up my day job at LawCare then I would need to write five books a year in order to make enough money to live on. Given my current track record of one book for every thirteen years of my life, I think I have some ground to make up.
I still want to be an Authoress when I grow up, but in the meantime I am perfectly content helping lawyers to find their dream careers and realise all their ambitions.
Saying the Right Thing
How often has someone said something, and several minutes (or even months) after the event, you’ve thought of the perfect retort, a brilliant come-back which would not only dramatically make your point and utterly conclude the debate, but have everyone in earshot clutching their bellies, wiping away tears of hysterical laughter and marvelling at your wit?
Once – only once – in my life I have managed to say that perfect retort at exactly the time it was needed. It occurred soon after my first husband and I divorced and he was making plans to marry his long-term mistress. He wanted the children (8 and 4) to be bridesmaids, but, understandably, didn’t want me at the wedding and I didn’t want to be far from the girls, so we devised a careful plan which involved me dressing them in their beautiful gowns and dropping them off at the venue, then waiting in the car park with a book for three hours. He evidently felt a bit guilty at this arrangement because he asked me whether I was upset that he hadn’t invited me to his wedding.
“No dear,” I replied, cool as a cucumber, “I wish I hadn’t gone to your last one.”
LawCare’s Stress and Depression pack contains a page of advice on saying exactly the right thing at the right time, but in this case, that thing is one word – “No.” It seems to be the hardest thing of all to say, because many helpline callers tell us in despair that they are overloaded with work, and yet their supervisor/manager/Senior Partner keeps asking them to do more and more things. And then at home they get asked to be on the PTA, and to go to a Yoga class with a friend, and look after a relative’s pets while they are on holiday. Naturally, they become very stressed trying to do everything and be everything to everyone when really they just don’t have the time or the energy.
The antidote is that simple word “No.” Our information pack lists several creative ways to dress up that “No” to make it easier both to say and to hear. My favourite, which I have been known to use myself, is “I already have this, this and this to do. What task would you like me to drop in order to do this new task?” I also really like “I appreciate your confidence in me. I wouldn’t want to take this on knowing my other tasks and responsibilities right now would prohibit me from doing an excellent job.”
The advice (which was written for our pack by Coach Dianna Keel – thanks Dianna) also makes a very good point. Sometimes there is no better answer than just a simple No. It strengthens your boundaries, and people start to realise that actually you’re not a do-anything dogsbody. They’ll have more respect for you, and next time they’ll think twice before asking. As the Grange Hill cast told us in 1986, “Just Say No”.
Moving into Ireland
When LawCare started in
1997, it was the result of a working party formed by assorted members of
the Law Society of England and Wales who had realised that some solicitors
drank rather a lot, and it would be nice if there was someone who would
help them to stop doing so before an intervention (the Law Society
compulsorily taking over their practise) became necessary.
Since those early days LawCare has grown and grown beyond anything that
could have been imagined in 1997. We still support solicitors with alcohol
problems, but now we also support barristers, judges, legal executives,
barristers clerks, advocates, staff and families, with all kinds of health
problems – three-quarters of our calls relate to stress or depression. We
also cover the whole of the British Isles. The Law Society of Scotland was
the first organisation outside England and Wales to join LawCare, giving
additional funding in return for our helping their members. The Bar
Council followed, as did several further groupings, and this year LawCare
ventured into foreign territory for the first time, when the Law Societies
of Ireland and the Isle of Man joined us.
Every time we take on a
new group, region or profession there is new terminology to learn and
changes to make, but I have been surprised at how different it has been
taking on Ireland to, say, Scotland. It may only be a short ferry ride
from Holyhead to Dun Laoghaire, but every information pack and volunteer
application pack we post costs three times as much. Telephone calls are a
string of about sixteen numbers, and I learned today that all Irish mobile
numbers begin 085 or 086. Trainee solicitors serve apprenticeships before
their parchment ceremony, and very few addiction treatment centres in
Ireland offer detox, or accept private referrals. Then there are the
names. I speak fluent Welsh (my children are called Gwenllian, Angharad
and Ceridwen – or, as the spellchecker would prefer it, Gremlin, Anthrax
and Crewmen) but it seems a million miles from one Celtic language to
another when I try to figure out how to address someone called “Caoimhe”.
It’s good to have these new challenges, new opportunities to learn and the
chance to broaden our horizons, but one thing I have learned is that
lawyers are the same wherever they may be. British or Irish, lawyers
struggle with impossible targets, long hours and bullying supervisors,
they worry that their work isn’t as good as it could be but hate asking
for help, and some have a tendency to drink too much when things become
difficult. Whatever areas, professions or countries we expand into,
LawCare seems to find that the problems troubling the hardworking
professionals of the legal profession are the same.
The Right Support
Last week I mentioned my efforts to lose weight. You’ll no doubt be pleased to hear that in my first week I lost four whole pounds My Weight Watchers leader is certainly pleased. When I stepped on the scales I thought she would do a jig around the room. She beamed from ear to ear and congratulated me with such warmth that I resolved never to let her down in the coming weeks. My modest weight loss had brought joy into her life – it might even have made her week (it certainly made mine).
As good as the diet plans at slimming clubs are, it’s not rocket science – eat less and exercise more and you will lose weight. But what makes these clubs work for me is the sheer terror of having to confess my dietary sins to a kindly and helpful leader at the scales each week. Being accountable to someone gives me just that little extra bit of impetus I need to keep ignoring the hunger pangs.
There is real power in personal, one-to-one support. Whether it’s my Weight Watchers leader, an AA sponsor or a LawCare volunteer, having someone take an interest in your efforts to lose weight or get your life back on track can make a huge difference. In moments of weakness or suffering you can pick up the telephone and hear words of encouragement. Your failures become twice as bitter, but, on the flip side, your elation at your successes are doubled. Feelings of shame at letting down or disappointing someone who believes in you can be a strong motivator.
In many slimming clubs, the leaders are people who have lost weight as a club member, and, poor dears, their “fat pictures” are blown up to A3 size and displayed for all to see. Whilst there are no laminated posters of LawCare volunteers, they are very generous in talking frankly about their own experiences an /or addictive behaviour. Because therein lies the crucial and powerful message – If I can do it, You can do it too.
Many of those suffering from addiction or depression ( as with many dieters) have lost faith in themselves, but having someone else who believes that they can do it; really wants them to succeed; and who takes as much pleasure in their achievements as they do, can make an enormous difference.